Hello,

My name is John. The story about why I am requesting funding is long. It is my hope and prayer that you will be inspired and blessed by it; whether or not you donate.

I was born two weeks before the Blizzard of ’78. My mother was in the hospital during the storms that led up to the “Big One”. My Dad was standing outside our home in Boston trying to figure out how to get his pick up out of the ice so he could join my mother in the hospital. The neighbors looked on wide-eyed as my Dad retrieved an axe from inside of the house and began chopping the ice that locked the truck in place.

I don’t know how long he stubbornly chopped before he realized that he would not be able to free the truck. Determined to make it to my mother (she needed smokes and told him he better not come to the hospital without them) he returned the axe to its place and began dressing for a long cold walk in a blizzard. He threw on a large external framed pack and stepped out into the storm.

I’ve heard the story many times. My Dad made it to the hospital. Half frozen and covered in snow, he was a hero to all the nurses on my mother’s floor who had ran out of cigarettes.  They cheered for him as he passed them out while thawing.

Fast-forward twelve years to the Christmas of 1990.  The living room floor was covered in a foot of freshly fallen and shredded wrapping paper. I had opened all of my presents and I was sitting in a daze gazing at my new toys. However, my siblings were still opening their presents. Everyone seemed to have more than I did.

Just then my Dad walked into the room and asked me,

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m okay.” I replied.

He looked at me with a strange smile and nodded. Then he said,

“Did you look behind the tree?”

I jumped from the floor and ran to the tree. Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and watched in silence as I pulled a long oddly shaped and haphazardly wrapped present from behind the tree. I no longer cared how many presents I had, this was an “A Christmas Story” moment.

The tree lights twinkled off a metallic surface as I pealed the paper from the heavy end of the object. I was stunned into motionlessness, my mind imagining an uncountable number of possibilities.

Then I heard someone say, “C’mon, open it.” I looked around the room at everyone and turned so they could not see as I tore the rest of the wrapping paper away. I heard everyone, except my Dad who stood smiling by the tree, gasp as I swung around and hoisted a brand new Hudson’s Bay axe over my head for all to see.

I was exhilarated. My siblings were stunned. My Dad was beaming. My mother was beside herself.

Whenever we talk about it, my mother will still say, “Who would give an axe to a twelve year old? Everyone thought you were gonna kill us all in our sleep…” My Dad has never heard the end of it.

That gift created a desire in me to chop. But you can’t chop if you don’t camp. So I then had a burning desire to camp. Thankfully, my Dad loved to camp and I began camping with him regularly. We camped so much over the next few years that my Dad never unpacked our camping gear from the van he drove.

Unfortunately, my parents went their separate ways when I was fourteen. I had spent so much time with my Dad that I could not see myself living without him. So when he moved out of the house I moved with him. I lived with him until I was nineteen and was having a son of my own.

In a six-month period when I was twenty-three I broke up with my ex, hooked up with my wife, and joined the Army. I joined the Army August 24th, 2001; just about two weeks before 9/11.

The next part of the story is better heard than read. I gave my testimony before the congregation of my church. I have uploaded it to YouTube in six parts. So if you will, please watch the videos below and listen as I tell what happened to me.

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

Part 5:

Part 6:

During my one and only deployment, I had four I.E.D.’s go off within 100 feet of me. Only by the grace of God do I still exist.

God is Awesome!

I left the Army in 2005 and returned home to Boston. But most have heard the story, “He just was not the same.” I have had trouble adjusting to “normal life”. I have been diagnosed with  P.T.S.D. and T.B.I. and suffer memory, balance, and hearing problems. I have struggled for many years with these issues.

I lost the desire to do many of the things I used to do. I did not want to go out and camp anymore. I really did not want to go out of the house at all.  I know my family has suffered with me; or should I say because of me?

I tried to get back into things.   However, I forced my family to move every six months to a year since 2005. We moved to TN where I became a music minister at the church in which I gave my testimony. I worked as a Mental Health Specialist. I went to Bible college for three years. I had to withdraw due to struggles with stress and memory.

We moved to, Jeffersonville, Indiana where I did a Pastoral Internship.  We moved to Indianapolis where I helped a great man of God start a house church.

Finally we moved back to TN where I served as a Senior Pastor at the very same church in which I gave my Testimony. I left there in October of 2014.

In all of these things I did not understand what was happening to me or why I did the things I did. But recently God has led me to a few therapists and books to show me what has changed.

By reading books on the brain, P.T.S.D., the effects of T.B.I.,  and survival in general, I have come to understand that going through traumatic experiences changes one to the core. If you want to understand what I mean I would recommend reading the books:

By Lawrence Gonzalez   “Deep Survival” ,  “Surviving Survival”

By Watchman Nee “Sit, Walk, Stand” , “The Normal Christian Life.

There are many more to read, but these are the ones I have been reading while my life and thinking have been revolutionized. I don’t agree with everything that the authors have written, but they are still worth reading.

I have realized, that since one is changed during a traumatic experience, one must accept that and begin a new life with new wants, dreams, and desires. The hardest thing to do after traumatic experiences, the very thing I have done for the past 10 years, is to recapture the old self.

We who suffer from the many experiences that change who we are must understand we are different and we can never go back; so we must move forward.

Since leaving the church where I was senior pastor I have been trying to enter into  my new life. Trying to accept that I am different and new and it is not a bad thing. The old things have passed away, behold, the new has come.

I can’t give my family the old me. I can’t give them what was, or even what will be, But I can give them all that I have now. I can redeem the time. I can invest my time into their future.

And that is what I have been trying to do for:

My wife, Viki:

My Son John:

My Daughter Crystal:

And Last But Not Least, Little Katie:

Since October 2014, I have been studying, praying, and waiting on God to reveal to me how I can redeem the time . And one verse has Kept me going as I try to begin again with a new understanding.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding,
In all your ways acknowledge him,
And He will direct your paths.

This is what I have been trying to do and I believe God is answering His promises in His Word. It began three weeks ago. My wife’s uncle died and I had to get her to Florida for her family. I dropped her off in Florida and on the way home I drove by the trailhead of the Appalachian Trail.

Seeing the sign for the trail sparked a memory of all the years I wanted to walk that trail. Every year I wanted to I had responsibilities that I had to be there for and I could not go. I got used to having things that prevented me from going. So, I dismissed the still small voice telling me I should try it this year.

A week went by and it was time to drive back to Florida and pick up Viki. I decided to look on my Audible app to see if there were any good books that I wanted to listen to on the long drive. There was a book that I read in Iraq that I thought was really good. So I looked to see if it was on Audible; it was. But it was a longer book than the ride and I did not want to start a book and not finish it

I then looked at the author’s other books. I was surprised when I found that the author of the book I read in Iraq had written a book on his attempt at hiking the Appalachian Trail. My mind was realing as fresh longings for the woods  and the mountains flooded in. But again I dismissed them. Too much to do and too little time.  Again that still small voice became silent.

At a hotel in Florida I was with Viki and Crystal. I was laying down to go to sleep and we were just talking about what to do when we got back. I jokingly said,

“Well I don’t care what anyone else does cause I’ll be on the A.T.”

“Well if Your going I’m going to be with you.” Viki Said..

And again my mind was going.

I hate doing things impulsively. I hate it so much because I am so impulsive and hate cleaning up the messes I make of things when I don’t lift things up to God. So I began to pray. I was keeping the verses in Proverbs first in my mind. “I will wait”, I decided. “If God wants me to go, He will open the doors.”

The seeds of the thoughts of the trail had been sown and I finally gave in to the possibility. I began processing my responsibilities to see if there was anything that would prevent my from going.

As I thought and thought only one thing came to my mind. Actually, she is a person not a thing. A wonderful woman has come to stay with us while she undergoes kemotherapy. We have been taking care of her. I realized She might need us to stay.

Two days after we retuned from Florida I asked Viki talk to the wonderful woman about the possibility of our going on the trip. Later that day I asked Viki if she had talked to her. Viki told me that the woman was halfway through a book she had picked out of our bookshelves. It was a book about a man who was hiking the  Appalachian Trail!

I went and talked to the woman and she said that it would be the opportunity of a lifetime. She wants us to go. I could hardly believe it.  So, thinking turned into praying, praying turned into seeking, and seeking turned into planning.

The next day I had an appointment at the VA with my therapist. I was looking forward to telling him about the possibility of going on the Trail. He called me before the appointment to discuss the possibility of me working for the VA. I said maybe, but I was thinking of hiking the Appalachian Trail.

He said, “Huh, That’s interesting. Did you know that Dr. Irwin’s father walked the trail. He was blind too.”

I was stunned. The Doctor in charge of the clinic I was going to was the son of the only blind man in history to walk the entire 2,100+ miles of the Appalachian Trail. How much confirmation does one need? Needless to say, planning kicked into overdrive. For God loves Obedience more than sacrifice!

There are so many other doors that God has opened. So many little things He has done to prepare the way. All I have to do is obey. And that is what I am trying to do.

For the past week we have been planning. We have inventoried the contents of our home in order to sell anything of value. My son John sold his xbox…. His Xbox! (God does move mountains). We are selling books, game systems, electronics, and even our old car.

We have bought books, guides, and someof the equipment we need for the trip. I know God will open the door to whatever gives Him Glory. Even if He just has us prepare, though we do not get to go, in order to learn how to prepare (To serve Him while we are waiting for Jesus to return).

This trip is a new start for me. I am hitting the reset button. New life, new being, new time… I’ll go where He sends me…

So, that is a very short version of how I got to this morning. Up all night listing things on Craiglist while I dehydrate strawberries for the trail. The first batch of food that will “cheaply” sustain us on the long journey ahead.

We plan on leaving in the beginning of  April. I hope you have been blessed by this small story. I have been blessed living it and telling it.

God Bless you and all that you Love, In Jesus’ name, Amen!

John

P.S.

A copy of this post can be found at:

http://www.gofundme.com/johnnyandviki